What do you think of my poem?

This is my second gothish poem. Tell me what you think.





Title: Eternal darkness








As i bask in the sun of death it slowly takes me away





the wind of the eternally perished reigns over me





and throws me into a dark frigid cellar that engulfs my weakened body





the cranking of the chains lifting me off the cold and unforgiving floor





as i dangle so helpless the rats gnaw the skin from my bare feet





my body aches as the life leaves my submissive tomb





and my withered corpse sways in the darkest of corners.

What do you think of my poem?
It is beautiful and yuo are very gifted.....keep writing and by all means publish. i am published by the way. Very good!!!!
Reply:i dont like it that much
Reply:blah blah
Reply:needs work but its still a good poem





from : gothic girl
Reply:That was beautiful!
Reply:Thats totally repulsive! good use of words though...
Reply:meh... nothing special
Reply:Okay that was just bad. Why do everybodys poems not rhyme. I think that's dumb. Anyone could come up with something like that though I don't know why they'd want to. I hate goth stuff.
Reply:Egad! Will Jesus H Christ pleas help this poor lost lamb?!
Reply:it didnt even rhyme LOL... it was alright... too "dark" for me





EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO





guess what u r ??? (look up two lines)
Reply:I like it in a dark sort of way!
Reply:sounds depressing and just not something I like reading about
Reply:ok. I use to write stuff like that. it's good. but the whole rat thing is raw. think deeper and darker and if your talking blood don't do the whole animal thing. that's just me but it fits
Reply:It was strangely uplifting.
Reply:get help
Reply:Pretty good...sounds kind of like the poetry one of my friends writes.
Reply:too complicated its not somethin that i will wanna read if am on my bed and i want to calm down
Reply:I like it. I like all dark stuff. Keep writting.
Reply:Extremely depressing. But I guess that was the point so, good job.
Reply:Great! Ur use of vocabulary is very nice. It is not "blah blah" like that other person wrote. A+!!!!





Where did u get all of this talent from?! I would loooove to write poems like this but unfortunately i have no talent and SUCK at writing. So, use that talent. You'll go places.
Reply:I tend to dislike melodramatic poems. It is not you, just your poetry.





There is nothing more beautiful than the truth. If you write the truth, it would be much better.





On related matter I would change the title, Eternal Darkness is a video game title. Try to be more original.
Reply:a bit scary! i mean cant it be about bunnies or farts!?!?


like this poem





I Can Smell





I can smell your fart





It smells VERY bad





I can smell your fart





its making me gag





I can smell your fart





im going to die





i can smell it





i can smell you





And being stuck in this car with you's making me vomit





so leave- becus my eyes are tearing





and you smell





BING! i know i know a little rusty but hey! in a few seconds its pretty good!
Reply:It is very dark and morbid, but it is has potential to be published. Try The national Library of Poetry they have contests constantly
Reply:GROSE! What ever happend to those catchy jingles about Rainbows, Sunshine and Love?


I guess i just dont get the point. Are you sad? Depressed? or just bored?


Sorry if i'm bashing you, i dont mean too, i too write. I just try not to be so EMO. (its kinda gay!)





Keep on Keepin on though... do your thing!
Reply:There is no eternal darkness only everlasting light, I hope you get your answer from someone who is also in the cellar.
Reply:It's not bad.
Reply:Lovely. You are a fine writer.

ivy