What do you think...?

i have to write this poem for english.


it's worth 50 points, so i have to do well.


it must be free verse, so it should be easier.


please review this give thoughts and comments.





shhh it happens


the death of a loved one


broken bones


broken hearts


the pain seems to linger


for some only a day


for others


a lifetime


this feeling that comes


when it happens


it burns


aches


crawls through your skin


pain makes you


not want to


keep living


or takes risks


sooner or later


we must try to


pick ourselves up


from the fall.


1 second ago - 3 days left to answer

What do you think...?
Well, for a writer like me, your poem (please understand that I am trying to constructively criticize your poem) does not paint any picture or imagery in my head. Remember people respond to either very depressing thing or very exciting thing. Your poem isn't depressed enough. Try adding more emotion and make it longer. Email me if want to.
Reply:very touching.....great job......keep it up......
Reply:its great...did you do it all by your-self? if-so nice...
Reply:As some one who is not into poetry I think that is pretty good.





Read it all the way through and would read it again.





The "or takes risks" line ?
Reply:It's really lovely. I like it a lot.
Reply:well,to be true your poem is fine in terms of the language...........but the thing is, i am not feeling what i would've felt when i read your poem.........and that is the main problem......your poem is good,but still it lacks the power that a poem should have on its reader........the charm of your poem is not there yet.....come on,try to write with full of emotions,be true to yourself in writing a poem,cause then only the emotion be embedded in it.........i leave the rest to you......
Reply:It good but it conveys much emotion and not enough imagery. No picture came to mind when I read this.
Reply:its good, for a free style you did a good job