I dread visits from my mother-in-law...help!?

My mother-in-law visits three times a year and I get really stressed out from the second she books her flight until she is finally out our door. She is not a horrible person, but she is seriously hard to take. She loves our son (the only grandchild) a great deal so I'd really like to find a way not to let her under my skin.





She doesn't enjoy activies (although she lies and says "it's great"), doesn't engage in conversation, and mopes around starting on day two because the trip is almost over. She refuses to make any decisions (ordering take-out is a nightmare!) and will literally ask if it's okay to use a cup or spoon (despite best efforts to make her feel comfortable). Every trip has at least one total melt-down with her crying hysterically.





Yet, she is extremely manipulative to get what she wants (which is apparantly to be the most unhappy person on earth). She is rude to restaurant staff and clerks for any perceived slight (usually ridiculous). I just want to strangle her!

I dread visits from my mother-in-law...help!?
Grin and bear it......or, book yourself for a get-away with your girlfriends during her stay and let your spouse enjoy the visit with his mom and child alone! I do a combination of both...still grinning and bearing it when I have to, but feeling no guilt whatsoever when I can make 'other arrangements' for myself while she's here. Best of luck!
Reply:Poor old woman. Feel sorry for her- she must know how much you dislike her.


There's no magic- just learn to control your emotions and let it roll off your back. If she visits 3 times a year, you know darn well what's she's like, so nothing she does should surprise you. It's your own fault you allow her to annoy you.
Reply:All I can say: Sorry. My mother-in-law lives less than 10 miles away, see each other on a weekly basis, and i still LOVE my mother in law!!!
Reply:I wish my mother in law lived far enough away that she'd have to take a plane to get here....I hate the old battleaxe....





The most important thing is that she actually loves your son...that's a bonus...try to focus on activities that specifically involve her and your son...if she lies about things and says they are great be grateful because at least she isn't being a real witch and telling you to go to hell like my mother in law, who considers me dead....





Maybe you could try a restaurant that does things in a buffet style so she has to pick food out for herself or go out for Chinese food and order a Pu-pu platter, something like that that has alot of foods to choose from....





As for her asking to use cups or spoons I think it is kind of nice that she is being polite. I know you feel you are trying to make her comfortable but she comes from a different time...it is tradition to ask for things so I would try to cut her some slack on that.





It sounds like perhaps she has depression if she has "melt-downs" as you describe. I would try to sympathize with her as much as possible. I have depression and I know how hard it is when family is not supportive. Maybe she has a hard time with separation because she loves her son and grandchild so much (and maybe even you)....





It sounds like you need to cut her a little bit of slack...you could have a cold, abrasive mother in law who comes out and blantantly bashes you for having depression and anxiety and then spreads rumors about you to the rest of the family....trust me, things can be worse....