Seting myself up to fall?

I have some issues with my bf's mother. She annoys me, fusterates me, plain p*sses me off. She thinks that she knows everything and wont stand to be gently corrected.


Dont get me wrong, I dont put on this face with her, I'm respectful around her and I treat her with respect. She just gets under my skin in the worst way possible.


My boyfriend and I are looking at our future together. He is 26 and still lives with his mom to help her out. He has told me he wants to move out, but needs to get his finacial stuff in order first.


My question is, if things proceed and I wind up marrying this guy, am I doomed to having to deal with her all the time?


Its a big cultural thing for my bf to take care of his parents (being the second son and all..). I've told him I cant live with his mom and that if he plans to keep living with mommy to tell me as Im not interested in wasting my time. He assured me he has plans to move out, but he might not go far.


More to come! Out of space, 1 sec

Seting myself up to fall?
speaking from experience..yes she will always be in your life if you stay with this man. She and her son obviously have a close relationship, and MANY mother-in-law types do not get along with the woman their son(s) choose to be with.


It is wonderful that you are respectful to her, and I am sure your bf appreciates that effort, but does he know how his mother's behavior effects you? If he is aware of it has he taken steps to help you and she get along?


I think it is important you talk this through with your boyfriend and if you can work something out. You and she have something important in common, you BOTH love her son.


Just be careful not to be a doormat or let her be cruel or hurtful to you needlessly, just to please your boyfriend or keep the peace.


I've been in relationships where the man didn't defend me against the mother, and/or where the mother totally disliked me and I know how difficult it is. You want to get along I am sure, but you don't want to spend your life agitated and upset.


In the end, I say talk to your boyfriend, and perhaps both of you can start taking steps together to help you form a better relationship with his mother.


I wish you the best of luck. It is SO much better when everyone can get along, but sometimes it takes a lot of effort.
Reply:There's a good reason to be concerned. Your bf seems to be a mama's boy and the mama seems to be overbearing. That doesn't change after marriage. Sounds to me that his mom is a major part of his life and if you want to be a part of his life then you need get with the idea that your mil will be CLOSE by. And if she's already getting on your nerves... just wait til you say I do!!


What ever decision you make, be sure you will be able to deal with the consequences. You won't be able to say, later on, that you didn't know.


Good luck with that one.
Reply:The way you tell him what you want is directly and honestly. And well before any wedding plans are made. It may be difficult for you to speak up for yourself in this situation but it will be even more difficult if you wait and hope for the best. I made the mistake of keeping quiet before I got married and I continued to keep quiet throughout my marriage. The result? One day I woke up and realized I was invisible and I didn't have a voice. I ended up divorced because I didn't speak up when I should have.





If you believe he will be willing to compromise with you present your possible solution and ask him if he has any ideas. If he's unwilling to compromise, he's telling you he's not the one you want to marry. That doesn't make him a bad person. It just means you're not suited to each other. If you can't speak to him before you get married about things that are important to you, that won't change after you say "I do." If you're planning to spend the rest of your life with this man, start out right by making sure you each have an equal voice in the relationship.